First date guides
Guides to the first date: questions that start a conversation, ideas by city, and how to end the evening well.
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Should you kiss on the first date? Consent first, then evidence
Yes, if you both want to, and you find that out by asking or by a lean-in that is met. Consent comes before timing. We found no research that favors any moment for a first kiss, and no study that links a first-date kiss to what happens next.
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First date questions: 50 good, deep and fun ones to ask
Fifty first date questions in five groups of ten, each with a line on why that kind of question works. The research points less at the question than at the follow-up. Also covered: what the 36 questions study found, where the studies stop, and four questions to skip.
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First date tips: what has evidence and what is just opinion
Research touches three things: follow-up questions, underrating how much the other person liked you, and chemistry that questionnaires could not predict. Studies of strangers suggest the nerves are worse than the talk. We found no study on length, greetings or the 3-3-3 rule, and one self-selected survey on who pays. The rest is labeled by source.
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How many dates before a relationship? (And before exclusive, or sex)
We found no study that counts dates before a couple becomes exclusive or official. The figures people quote, five and six dates, come from a 2017 company survey and a 2015 reader survey that never published their question. The two that asked about sex and exclusivity put them in opposite order. Each is traced below. We add no rule.
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How to ask someone out: one clear sentence, one plan, one easy no
Say it is a date or that you like them, name a day and a place, leave room for a no, and ask once. Studies point two ways: people misread each other's silence, and askers underrate how hard it is to say no. None of them asked anyone on a date. Both still lead to the same plain ask.
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Second date ideas: what to do, what to talk about and when to ask
A second date is for finding out whether the first one was luck. Choose a format by what you want to learn: a walk tests conversation, an activity tests ease, dinner tests both and costs most. One experiment covers when to text afterward. We found no study on how many days to wait, so that part is opinion, labeled.
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Signs a first date went well: which ones have evidence and which don't
A sign that a first date went well is anything you can observe that is meant to show whether the other person wants a second date. We found few tests of the usual signs, and in speed-dating studies people often misread each other's interest. We sorted the signs by evidence and end with the direct check, which is asking.
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Third date ideas: what a third date is for, and the rule people quote
Two dates showed that you like each other's company; a third date is where you start seeing what the other person plans, rather than what they agree to. We sort 17 ideas by what they show that two dates could not, trace the "third date rule" and keep surveys of what people should do apart from what they did.
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What to text after a first date, and when: one study, our templates
We found one experiment on when to text after a first date, and in it a text the next morning did best. We found no study of what to text, so the templates below are ours: thank them, name one specific moment, suggest one concrete plan. Three versions: you want a second date, you are not sure, you do not.
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What to wear on a first date: outfit ideas by venue
Dress one step above the venue, in clothes you already move well in. That is our view, not a finding: we found no study linking an outfit to how a first date goes, and the one famous effect, red, shrank when researchers tried to repeat it. Below: outfit ideas by venue, an unknown-plan fallback and a checklist.
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Dating after 50: what the numbers say, and what nobody measures
Most Americans over 50 have never used a dating site or app, and 3% have used one in the past year. Among them, a long-term partner is the reason given most often. Our reading: the pool and the scams change after 50, not the rules. Below: the numbers, the apps that publish anything, and what nobody measures.
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Dating in Sweden: what the data shows, and what the guides only claim
In Sweden, people most often meet a partner through friends (24%), then at a bar (14%) or at work (13%); 12% met through a dating app or site, in the SOM Institute's 2024 national survey. The coffee-date rule, the split bill and exclusive-by-default come from expat guides with no source we could find. Below: measured, claimed and observed, each labeled.
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First date ideas: easy to talk in, easy to leave, cheap to fail
A good first date idea lets you talk, lets either of you leave after an hour, and costs little if it flops. Ours are sorted by those three tests, with picks for a low budget, daytime, rain and something active, and a reason for each. We found no study that ranks venues, so every reason is labeled evidence or ours.