What to text after a first date, and when: one study, our templates

Updated October 5, 2026 · 9 min read

We found one experiment on when to text after a first date, and in it a text the next morning did best. We found no study of what to text, so the templates below are ours: thank them, name one specific moment, suggest one concrete plan. Three versions: you want a second date, you are not sure, you do not.

This guide covers the text after a first date: when to send it, what to put in it, and what to do if nothing comes back. We looked at the pages that rank for the question and at the research on timing, first impressions and ghosting. The forum threads are from two UK forums: Mumsnet, a British parenting forum, and The Student Room, a British student forum. We did not check either site’s audience figures. Templates and rules of thumb are ours, and labeled. For the date itself, see our first-date guides.

We found one study on when, and none on what

We found one experiment on when to text after a first date: a study by Teichmann and colleagues in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (Teichmann et al., 2026). On what the text says, we found nothing. We searched on October 4, 2026, for studies of thank-you texts after a date, double texting, message length and emoji, and came back empty. We found nothing on contact after a date in Pew Research Center’s 2023 findings on online dating either (Pew Research Center, 2023).

The pages we read fill the gap with confidence. Text soon, they say, and the old wait-a-few-days rule is outdated. Both may be sensible advice. Neither is a finding, since the one experiment compared three moments, right away, the next morning and two days later, and nothing else. So the timing section below reports that study with its limits, and the templates after it are ours.

When to text after a first date

The next morning, going by the one experiment. Teichmann and colleagues had 543 participants, 270 women and 273 men, read about a first date followed by a text that arrived immediately, the next morning or two days later. Participants then rated how much they wanted a relationship with the person who texted, on a 9-point scale. The next-morning text averaged 6.15, the immediate text 5.80 and the two-day text 5.50. We read these figures, and the sample sizes above, in a summary by Simply Psychology, not in the paper itself (Simply Psychology, 2026; the study is Teichmann et al., 2026).

A pre-study of 100 people came first. Asked when a text after a first date ought to arrive, they put the ideal at about six hours, called under 20 minutes too soon and over 40 hours too late (Simply Psychology, 2026). That is what people said they would like, which is a different thing from what changed anyone’s interest in the main experiment.

The researchers left the message out on purpose. Participants knew when the text came, not what it said (Teichmann et al., 2026). The study speaks to timing and to nothing else.

Our reading: the next morning wins, by a little. On a 9-point scale, 6.15 against 5.80 is a small margin. The larger drop came with the two-day wait, so the gap between a day and two days is the one worth avoiding. It was also a scenario that participants read, not a date they went on, and the curve was clear among the women in the study and only borderline among the men (Teichmann et al., 2026).

Who should text first is a question no study we found answers, and the forum threads split. On The Student Room, a poster whose date had thanked her half an hour after it ended, then sent nothing the next morning, waited for him, and the replies asked what had stopped her from texting first (The Student Room, 2021). Two Mumsnet threads, under “If they do not reply” below, went opposite ways. Our view: whoever enjoyed the date sends the text.

What to text after a first date

Thank them, name one specific moment from the date, and, if you want a second one, suggest a plan with a day and a place in it. That is our formula. As above, no study we found tested what the text says, so the templates below are ours, not tested at scale, sorted by what you want next. Swap our details for yours.

If you want to see them again

Ours, not tested at scale:

“Thanks for last night. I’m still thinking about your ranking of airport sandwiches. Thursday at 7 at the taqueria on Elm, and you can rank the tacos?”

Why: thanks, a callback only they would get, and a day and a place to say yes to. Sent the next morning, it arrives when the experiment’s text did best (Teichmann et al., 2026).

If you are not sure

Ours, not tested at scale:

“Thanks for yesterday, and for the story about your uncle’s boat. One evening felt too short to know much, so I’d like another.”

Why: warm and specific without promising more than you feel. Leaving the plan out hands the next move to either of you, and if they come back with a day, you can decide after the second date.

If you want to end it

Ours, not tested at scale:

“Thanks for last night, I enjoyed talking to you. I didn’t feel a romantic spark, so I’ll leave it here. Good luck with the new job.”

Why: one message, one reason that is about your feelings rather than their faults, and no apology spiral. Our guide on how to reject someone nicely goes further.

What to text a girl, or a guy

People search for what to text a girl after a first date and what to text a guy as if they were separate questions. Nothing we found suggests the wording should differ by sex, so the same three templates cover both.

Signs a first date went well

Possibly better than it felt. Across five studies, Boothby, Cooney, Sandstrom and Clark found that people underestimated how much their conversation partners liked them, a pattern the authors called the liking gap, and among college dorm mates it lasted for months (Boothby et al., 2018; Association for Psychological Science, 2018). Our reading: those studies were about conversations, not dates, so take them as a correction to your mood rather than a verdict on the evening. The signals people actually look for, and which of them have any evidence behind them, are on signs a first date went well; the one that belongs on this page is the text itself, since a message that arrives is a sign that someone wanted to send it.

How long between the first and second date

We found no study that sets the gap, and our second date ideas guide has the table of what exists and the advice that fills in for it. One data point from a UK forum: in an April 2026 Mumsnet thread with 178 replies, a poster who had heard nothing for four days from a man still active on social media was mostly told to message him and ask for another date (Mumsnet, 2026).

If they do not reply

We found no study on what silence after a first date means. There is research on what it does to the person waiting.

Telari, Pancani and Riva ran two chat experiments with young adults, 46 in the first and 90 in the second, who chatted daily with a confederate for six or nine days before being ghosted or turned down; the participant details come from PsyPost’s summary. People given a direct no recovered faster than people who were ghosted (Telari et al., 2025; PsyPost, 2026). In a study by Szczesniak, Pierce and Spielmann, people imagined dates that ended in either an explicit rejection or silence. Both groups lost similar amounts of positive emotion, and the ghosted ones stayed more attached and intended more contact (Szczesniak et al., 2025). We read that one in its abstract.

Our reading: neither was a real first date. One was a lab chat, the other imagined. Both point the same way: ghosting, ending things by going quiet, keeps people hanging on longer than a no does. Neither says why a particular person went quiet.

Our view: one follow-up with a plan in it, then stop. Ours, not tested at scale:

“Still glad we met. Free for a walk by the river on Sunday afternoon?”

Why: it asks a question they can answer with a day, not one about why they went quiet. If it gets nothing, you have asked twice, and twice is enough. The general case, a second message before any reply, is on double texting.

The UK forum threads we read split on who moves first. In a February 2023 Mumsnet thread, a poster asking who should message after a first date was mostly told to wait for him, though a visible minority told her to act (Mumsnet, 2023a). In an October 2023 thread titled “is it my turn?”, most replies told the poster to message him and dismissed turn-taking rules (Mumsnet, 2023b). On The Student Room in 2020, a man reacted to a poster’s “got home safe” text after a two-hour date and went quiet, and replies said a reaction is not a blank and to wait a day, while one man said he slows his replies when his interest drops (The Student Room, 2020).

Two patterns have names. Orbiting is when someone stops replying but still watches everything you post. Breadcrumbing is replying now and then without ever naming a day, just enough to keep you interested.

If you do not want a second date

Our view: say it once, in writing, rather than going quiet. In the lab chat experiments by Telari and colleagues, young adults recovered faster from a direct no than from silence (Telari et al., 2025). Our guide on how to reject someone nicely covers the wording.

How to use this

1. The next-morning text, with a day in it. In the one experiment on timing, the next morning did best and the two-day wait did worst (Teichmann et al., 2026). The day is our addition, because it gives a yes somewhere to go.
2. One callback, not a review of the evening. In our view, one moment they will recognize does more than a summary of the whole date.
3. One follow-up after silence, then the glossary’s ghosting page. One message with a plan, then stop. Our glossary entry on ghosting covers what the research says about the rest.
4. The reject guide for a no. One honest message, sent once. The guide linked above has the wording.